how do you find and celebrate agency?
- Taylor Apolonio
- 28 minutes ago
- 3 min read
You're allowed to start small
My cutie finished bathroom paint job
First of all, I want to celebrate that we made it through January. It's been a difficult time and surviving is no small feat. I won't rehash every headline and act of violence that has occurred in and outside the US, I'd be surprised if you can't think of more than a few off the top of your head.
As Kelly Clarkson sings, 🎶 what doesn't kill you makes you stronger 🎶 And if that's true, I’ve been wondering: what do we do with that strength beyond passively digesting the big, overwhelming things on our screens?
Lately, this question has been shaping how I'm moving, and an upcoming free workshop I’m hosting:
What is actually in my control?
Years ago, my dad once told a group how intrigued he was by my brain, how I seem to see possibility everywhere, how naturally I lean toward a growth mindset.
That recognition stuck with me. I’ve always tried to hold onto optimism and curiosity, even when the world (or systems, or people) feel rigid, resistant, or full of invisible barriers.
What I often struggled with (and even more previously) is identifying which parts of an equation are in my control. Perhaps it's an illustration of my privilege to see so many things that I can influence, laced with the optimism that others can see a clear vision of a more desirable future state.
Here's the thing about having a growth mindset, it typically breeds resilience. Which, generally, gets framed as a virtue.
Well, my resilience muscle has grown a bit.. sore. From the ideation, big dreams, and being met with 'it's just not done that way' or some other recital of inconvenience.
Now I realize, I can't control the way someone responds to what I've presented to them (thanks therapy)! What I can control is what I offer, how I present it, who I offer it to, and how I respond in return. Simple enough... most days.
In times like this, when capacity feels limited and risk feels high, I try to keep narrowing my focus. And what I keep landing on is what’s inside the four walls of my apartment.
Although it cannot be the only thing, it is most immediate thing.
Since the beginning of the year, I’ve painted the second bathroom (pics below!), found my first plant friend, rearranged some existing decor, and made a few swaps with thrift finds I found with my brother while in SLC for the holidays. Slow, thoughtful design.
These aren't huge transformations (although my shoulders might argue after painting), but they've had an impact. There’s something deeply grounding and gratifying about doing something tangible and seeing the result.
So yes, one answer to “what can I control?” turned out to be: paint!
And damn, it felt good.
If you’re curious about other small, accessible ways to adjust your home so it feels more supportive, restful, and comfortable during chaotic times, I’d love to invite you to a free workshop I’m hosting:
We’ll explore how your space already works (and doesn’t), where friction shows up, and how subtle shifts can change how you feel day to day, no massive remodels required.
If it resonates, I’d love to have you there.
As my undergrad mentor would say:
Communicate later,
Taylor
PS: if a fresh coat of paint happens to be an antidote for you too, I can extend my services to include painting. That's how much fun I had.
From left to right: Before paint, selecting paint, Sherwin Williams' AI version of what the paint would look like, how it actually turned out